Christin's Behind-the-Scenes Sunday 🎥 : Silent Retreat Edition
Pre-Retreat Reflections, Gumroad Snowball
Dear Ones,
I’m heading off for a weeklong silent retreat today. Each day revolves around 45-minute periods of sitting meditation alternating with walking meditation, starting ~6:00 am and ending ~9:30 pm.
Retreatants do not speak at all, except for functional speech. E.g. when coordinating chores, and practice discussions with teachers. No phones, no reading, no writing.
All to say, this is my Disney World! It helps that I have attended full day retreats conducted in a similar manner, and I have known Gil Fronsdal and Diana Clark for a decade. It’s also held at Insight Retreat Center in Santa Cruz, affiliated with Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City where I go for sittings and dhamma talks.
I had audited Diana Clark’s weeklong retreat in the past via Zoom, and wrote about the experience here. I aim to write about this in-person retreat experience and compare/contrast with the Zoom version.
Pre-Retreat Reflections
The retreat center provided a few optional pre retreat questions for reflection. I’d like to share with you here since they are great questions to ponder:
What are some of the motivations you have in attending this retreat?
In practice discussions with Chris Clifford, we discussed the importance of establishing samadhi. She pointed out that I’m of the excitable personality (to which I completely agree!) A retreat may provide a necessary foundation of stability and deepen the roots of practice, so I can provide wise support for others.
I am also applying to the Sati Center’s Buddhist Chaplaincy program this year, which requires 3 weeklong retreats or equivalent. This opportunity is fortunately timed and I’m grateful.
How have you benefited from meditation and/or Buddhist practice?
Meditation and buddhist practice have provided glimpses of what may be available beyond the conventional world. A fountain to drink from in the parched landscape of samsara.
What are some of the common challenges you have had with meditation and/or with Buddhist practice?
Remembering to let go when caught up with daily life and work, applying metta to challenging relationships with family (not in an antagonistic way, but more so in the lack of deep connections.)
Do you have any concerns about participating in the retreat?
Speaking of family, the primary reason why I have not done an in person weeklong retreat until now is because of a nagging concern that they will not be able to reach me if an emergency happens. I spoke with my therapist and with Chris Clifford about ways to mitigate this concern without compromising the integrity of the retreat.
I am looking forward to the opportunity, though also aware that retreats may stir up neglected parts of me that may not be positive from the outset. But this realistic expectation may be beneficial for staying true to the retreat experience.
What life circumstances or personal background do you believe might have some bearing on your upcoming retreat experience?
I’m in a place of dhammic possibility: there have been multiple recent opportunities for me to share my practice. Yet there’s a part of me that still screams “don’t screw this up/I will feel bad if this path is interrupted by circumstances,” rather than an open view of letting conditions ripen.
This retreat is an opportunity I’ve been looking forward to for a long time, so part of me is quite anticipatory, yet another part is seeing a build up of expectations and letting go of them (because having these expectations seem to negate the benefits of the retreat!)
What is your spiritual/religious background?
I have attended IMC for the past decade or so and enjoy Early and Theravadan teachings. I recently joined clear mountain monastery’s upasika program to strengthen my upkeep of the five precepts, commit to sitting every day, and devote one day a week to longer sitting practice and dhamma talks. I currently serve as the treasurer for the Alliance for Bhikkhunis.
Before this I practiced Zen Buddhism on my own, including Soto Zen such as Shunryu Suzuki, and Thich Nhat Hanh’s writings. I also studied Tibetan teachings from Pemba Chodron, and Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche (though understanding that his personal practices and cult leadership were extremely problematic..)
Before that I was immersed in the Christian teachings, having went to Christian schools and attended lots of Sunday school at church.
I also grew up in Malaysia and Indonesia, both Muslim countries with very different routes of religious harmony.
What more would you like for the teachers to know about you and your background?
I studied neuroscience for my PhD, and my current interest is diving into interfaith dialogue through a “scientific” lens. From my immersion in the major religions, I witnessed a lot of overlapping good between them. Perhaps I can encourage myself and others to critically examine each faith to see which are beneficial for society, and which tagalong unfavorable characteristics (eg misogyny, cult of personality) can be reduced.
Overall, I would like to use this framework to explore the idea of “spiritual health” as complementary to the Western focus on physical and mental health.
…However, at this retreat I will stay away from such heady topics and work on my own spiritual health through samadhi and vipassana. :)
Given the above reflections, these are questions I have for myself but will not directly ponder at this retreat:
How can I ensure that my mindfulness and meditation stays bright in this retreat, where I will be maintaining both for an extended period?
How can I apply metta to my family relationships?
How can I be sensitive and forgiving to my body as it adjusts to the retreat schedule, different foods, sleep setting, etc.?
How can I wisely switch meditation techniques as appropriate, rather than out of boredom?
How can I avoid turning dhamma work into its own form of spiritual materialism?
I hope this Q&A give you a glimpse into what’s on my mind as I head off for the retreat.
This Week .. One of Gratitude
I quietly launched a preorder page for Debug Your Meditation and was shocked to see the number of people interested in a book that I have provided no information about. THANK YOU.
I told a few friends that I had put up the preorder page on a whim, but I realized that isn’t actually the full story… here is my thought process in case it is helpful for you to launch your own projects:
I’m part of an accountability group with several friends in the Portfolio of Small Bets community (highly recommend, here’s an affiliate link). We meet every week to discuss progress. I had been working on the book outline for a while, but didn’t make as much headway as I thought.
So I pivoted to writing the copy for the book based on other Gumroad pages that do well, and asked for feedback from the community. I also offered two free 15 min practice discussions with each pre-order.
To my delight, people ordered even when the copy is a work in progress! From there on, there was a snowball effect. The Gumroad sales page became its own social proof, which then led to more orders , which then led to higher sales…
So whatever you’re noodling on, I highly recommend making a Gumroad page, or using yep.so to make a landing page to capture email addresses. The fact that there are people who paid to read the book really motivates me to finish it by the deadline, since my credibility is at stake.
TLDR: Join an accountability group, make a landing page ASAP
Next Week and Beyond
I’ll be heads down writing once I return from the retreat, and I hope to incorporate any insights from this longer meditation period into the book too.
Warm Wishes,
Christin
Thank you for sharing your pre-retreat process, Christin! I'm reading this as you're wrapping up and can't wait to hear your post-retreat thoughts. Hope it was a deeply meaningful experience. And congrats on the gumroad pre-orders. Not a bit surprised!
🔥