Dear Ones,
We had our second Write of Passage mentor training this week, where we received a pep talk from David Perell and brainstormed exercises for students. The aphorism for mentors is for us to be a "guide on the side, not a sage on the stage."
Yesterday, I reflected on what being a guide means, since we were being guided on the Kenai river for flyfishing.
Flyfishing, unlike standard spinfishing, requires much finesse. It's ribbon-dancing by pros like Yuhong. Flailing a wet spaghetti noodle by noobs like me.
In our last trip to the Trinity river in California, I swore to never go on a guided flyfishing trip again. It was way too intense--our guide Chris insisted that each swing of the fly line should land precisely in 6" x 6" spots. We had to watch our setups like hawks because the tugs from steelhead trout were barely perceptible. In the end, we got skunked (i.e. caught nothing.) I had stressful dreams about staring at a pink bobber for nights on end.
It wasn't Chris' fault as a guide--the Trinity is a challenging place to catch steelhead, and success on that river required devotional precision.
~
Back at the Kenai, our Alaskan guide Simmons had a relaxed attitude befitting the abundance of this fishery. He showed us a few casts once, and allowed us to do what we knew to do. Yuhong ribbon-danced, I flailed spaghetti. But that's what I wanted and needed--the room to fling countless awkward casts that won't fool any fish, until a few are smooth enough to get 'em. We both did well, having caught sizable rainbow trout and Dolly Vartens*.
It was a much better guided experience, because I had room to flail and reflect. I could see my own casts and contemplate how to improve them, without the added stress of meeting someone else's expectations. Simmons was an exemplar guide on the side!
During the Write of Passage mentor training, someone mentioned how Michael Ashcroft, a past mentor, said something like "I can sit with discomfort for longer than any of you." I believe him, having taken his Expanded Awareness (Alexander Technique) course. He taught how to exude this quiet confidence through Zoom (hint: it has to do with expanding one's awareness!) This is a skill I will value as a mentor, and one I will revisit in the chaplaincy program too.
And in designing my mentor sessions, I hope to allow room for students and myself to struggle and reflect. However uncomfortable it may be, that is when prized learning happens.
What do you think? Are there times when you might have benefited from letting the discomfort linger?
Warm Wishes,
Christin
*For the longest time I misheard and thought they named this Arctic Char variant after Dolly Parton. Alas!
"Can I enjoy this awkward silence?" is a game that I've been letting myself play with others (unbeknownst to others)🤣 , to practice letting go of self-judgment when I don't have something fun to say to fill the silence.